I am selfish, I am wrong.

I have been having the weirdest feelings lately. I want to be selfish. I want to be the center of attention. It is so odd because that really isn't me at all. I really want someone to make me feel special. It is so fucking disgusting to feel this way but I can’t help it. I am so divided between things that I don't really get to connect with certain people like I use to. I think that is what is getting me. I can't lavish people with attention like I use to so it is making twitchy and I need to be lavished and do some lavishing. 

I haven't seen Steven in forever. He has stopped coming to work. He hasn't called out, hasn't quit, or been fired. It is so weird. I am kinda worried. I have an odd feeling that something bad has happened. 

Yesterday, after work, I went to the school because the girls’ soccer team won states. A whole bunch of people were there freezing their asses off. We had signs and banners and waited for the bus to come in. That is one thing I love about living in a small town, if your soccer team wins states you get a fire squad escort with the sirens wailing and them honking and the whole town will come out in bitch cold weather and ambush you once you get off the bus. They were so happy and had no voices left. It was good shit.