And if I die

  I keep thinking about when I die. Not in the morbid suicide knocking on my door way, I did when I was 15. Just in a legitimately thinking about death way. I keep thinking about how I want to be remembered. I went back to NY for 3 weeks and the way people look at me, talk to me and treat me there is the way I want to be remembered. So if I ever meet some untimely death (God willing this entry doesn't become morbidly ironic). 
I want to be remembered as the following
1. The girl who liked the greeting card more than the present. 
2. Who loved those silly 60s Beach movies like Gidget or anything with Frankie and Annette. 
3. Someone came alive when live music was played
4. Who helped people that she loved, even if they never cared
5. A girl with a good story or two

That's all I want. Going back to NY, where I'm a somebody, really has put things in perspective for me. It reminded me I am alive. I'm not invisible and there is still a pulse beating somewhere.

How do you want to be remembered?
How are you living your life now?
I wish I could speak at everyone's funeral because I know my words would be heartfelt. I know that even if you left just a small impact in my life, I would find a way to convey how much it meant.