For they don’t have trees to hang their hearts

I have been looking up the symptoms of Depressions throughout the day. Every website I go to and the list of symptoms I read indicate I am in fact suffering from depression. I have all the emotional symptoms including most of the physical symptoms (Chronic headaches and stomach aches etc.) I told Dana and Brittany. Dana pretty much gave me a look like "tell me something I don't know". I don't know how to feel about this. I feel kind of relieved that I pretty much pin pointed whats wrong. But there is also a part of me that is even more stressed out now. How do I explain this to my parents? "Hey mom dad, pass the butter, btw I know you think I am lazy and good for nothing turns out I am just depressed. See ya later gotta go floss or something" I don't really have the courage to tell them. Don't worry guys I am not going to kill myself or anything. I am still living strong on my mantra" I'm Catholic we are not allowed to kill ourselves, but we can drink ourselves to oblivion."

The big realization came this morning. I was standing in the rain, The Funeral by Band of Horses was playing, and I was mad about the lack of sleep I was getting. I was trying to think of something I could look forward to. I couldn't think of a single thing. Not one single thing I had to look forward to. It was scary. It was sad, it was so many things. 

I am too scared to tell my parents. I don't want my mom to think its her fault or that I'm not grateful or that I'm unhappy because of her. I can't help the way I feel as much as I want to not feel this way I do. I don't want her to be ashamed of me, I just want her to be proud. I don't want her to feel betrayed that I didn't tell her for so long how I felt. There are many outcomes and most them scare the bejesus out of me. 

 
To know me as hardly golden
To know me all wrong they were
*Band of Horses