Come out from behind the curtain Mr. Wizard

I had a really depressing lunch. I started to listening to my music, drowning out all other sounds, and everyone else looked so happy. I was just thinking to myself "why can't that be me?" I want it to be me so bad. Its truly pathetic because my life isn't bad. I have parents that love me, I don't have to worry where my next meal is coming from, I have great friends but I just kept thinking to myself then "Why am I not happy?"

The crew and I made plans to go to the movies but I really wasn't too keen on going. Honestly, why am i going to be money and sit for two hours with my friends and feel terribly lonely and out of place when I can do that at home for free and with Brand New playing. That was my lame attempt at a joke. I know the select people must get tired reading the pathetic woes of my life. I thought I try to make you guys smile once in a while. If it worked let me know. If i didn't well sorry.  Anyway, back to the plans so I was already planning on not going to the movies. Danny during Spanish told Dana to come see him play at his basketball game tonight. Moments later Austin invited me to game. He also proposed to me. Sorry, Courtney! I told him I would go. So now the new crew's plan was to go the b-ball(I can't believe I just used the term b-ball) game and then go the movies.

After school Brittany and I discussed the plans and my lack of intreset in going to see the movie. She started complimenting me and such to make me feel better and less depressed. I had to inform her no matter who tells me or how many times someone tells me i rock it doesn't make me feel better. People associate depression with low self esteem and thats not always the case. Look at me I have good self-esteem, I am constantly referencing my great attributes including my endless charm. WHICH FYI apparently isn't a figment of my imagination because I asked my parents what two special characteristics and the first one my mom said was "Well you're charming" BOO-YA Ladies and Gents I actually am charming. Anyway back to yesterday, she told me she knew how i felt which I could actually believe because Brittany has been there. I was still adament about not going to movie. 

We went to game blah blah. It was a really good game though very intense. Several questions of my lack of interest of going to the movies came up, but it wasn't really an issue. Madre picked me and then this is where the fun starts. Repeated questions of me not wanting to go came up. BLAH BLAH BLAH The Climax of arguement went something like this.

Mom:God you just love being miserable don't you?
Me: I am not miserable.
Mom: Well all you want to do is sit around and be god damn unhappy. You need to see  a psychairist or something. (Keep in mind she said this in a way to make me crazy about myself not in a "You need help" after school special kind of way)
Me:(in a surprisingly calm tone I might add) You know you are right. I have no right to be unhappy and maybe I should see someone about it. 
Mom: (Still in angry tone) You are so unhappy maybe you should see someone.
Me: (calm tone): maybe I should. I have no right to be unhappy you and daddy treat me great but I still am. All I know is I got to school and feel unhappy and then I come here and still feel unhappy.
Mom:....(MOMENT OF REALIZATION).... Are you unhappy?
Me: Yes
Mom: Are you physically unhappy?
Me: Yes

It got quiet for a while. My mom got soft after a couple of seconds. She does that a lot when she feels bad. She goes from mega-bitch to all doe-eyed really quickly. I don't know if she thought it was because of her or my brother or school. My dad was around too but he doesn't get my mom and I's arguements. He usually spends the first 15 seconds to try to break us up but then gives up. He just hugged me and told me not to be upset. My fam was a lot of nicer afterwards. I am glad things are out in the open though. I don't know where we can go from here but I just hope it gets better.