If living is seeing I'm holding my breath.

Its a little weird. We had Senior Recognition Night, which is like Senior Awards night. They played a slideshow from when we were little. I thought I would get sad but I didn't. (I won a couple of pretty awesome awards though) I am afraid I am going to be the crazy blubbering chick at graduation. I know I will cry. I pretty much hate everyone in my class at this point but we had good times. I can't believe its all over soon. Not to seem narcassistic, I was never the hotshot star athlete or the hottie everyone wanted to date, but I was known. I won't be forgotten by most and its kinda comforting. but since I went to a small high school (55 kids in my class) I am kinda like a big fish in a small pond. Moreso medium size fish. I may not have been the coolest, but I knew nearly everyone in my class pretty well. I could go up and talk to any of them without it being the most awkward thing on earth. I tried to make friends in different groups and I did. I am kinda proud how I handle high school. I wasn't a big partier. I didn't do anything to regret. I had my fun, but my way.
I graduate Saturday. I have to make a speech because I am class president. I can't believe it. I am kinda the go-to "talk in public" chick. I am pretty good at public speaking. It is weird that it may be my last time I can speak in front of a large group. (Graduation is actually a pretty big deal in my town. Some of the old people just go to go even if they don't know anyone graduating). People expect it to be a really good speech, since public speaking is my thing. What if I let them down? What if my speech doesn't move people? What if that is my lasting impression? It would really suck.

Thursday I have the Baccalaurete. We have to wear our cap and gowns. Its going to be so surreal. I remember last year I drove by as everyone was getting out of the church and how sad I felt because all my friends were graduating. I wonder how its going to feel from the other side now.

Friday is the rehearsal.

Saturday- I officially graduate. My school is 6-12, I spent 7 years in that school now bam its done. I can't believe it.


Steven and I are doing pretty good. When I am not with him, I pretty much hate him. He does things that grind my gears and I feel like we are so incompatible and the next time I see him I will find an excuse to break up with him. Then I actually see him and it all kinda melts away. He makes me smile and is so adorable. We fit well together. Sometimes he says or does things that make me feel "Yeah this is how I am suppose to feel". I always felt so insecure with Etkin because I wasn't his idea of a girlfriend. I never knew if I should keep being me or try to be more like the other girls. (Keep in mind this way during a big awkward stage of mine.) I went into Senior Year feeling like my skin was finally my own. For years I really had to juggle between sociable teen persona and my hidden social awkward clueless comic geek  persona. They are finally starting to co-exist. Steven likes that I like comic books. Sometimes he gets awkward or stumbly and its kinda like looking in a mirror. He makes me see a different side of me. It really sucks that I am going to move. I knew this is how it was going to be, but the more I like him, the harder it becomes. I don't like to think about it. I wonder what it is going to be like once I leave. Sure, we are going to break up, but do I still text him? Do I treat him like a friend? Or do things just get cut off like other breakups? When I come back on breaks do I see him?

Its a big fork in the road right now for pretty much every aspect of my life.

BTW I picked our graduation song (Well there were a couple of options and I suggested this one last minute and it won)
It is Sooner or Later by Michael Tolcher.
What was your graduation song?
Also, I lost all my music and mixes. If anyone has any albums you think I like or any of my mixes that would be AMAZING.

Writer's Block: I Can Relate

[Error: unknown template qotd] I am kinda like an OC trifecta. I am Lindsay, Taylor Townsend and Anna. 
I am Lindsay because I like to analyze, process, change my mind 4000 times and go back to my original decision. 
I am like Taylor because no matter how much validation I receive I still need to be told from time to time that I fit in. I also like to plan and organize and take initiative with social events. I drag my feet on my decisions but I still make them in time. I like to help people even before people realize they need it. I love dorky things. I tend to ramble or try too hard. I don't sleep. I get anxious over  nothing. I am little quirky. 
I am like Anna because I like comics, I like giving advice and helping people (Even when I am secretly in love with them). I rather see a boy happy with another girl than him not at all. I have known to push a guy I like together with a girl just because. I like to pretend I am wiser than I really am. I love Death Cab and sometimes feel like my interests are juvenile. I always have a plan and a backup plan for when the first one fails.I have a soft spot for Jews and self-absorbed men who are scrawny. I am also good at coming up with acronyms.